I’m working on the Christmas tree, and of course listening to all the holiday albums as I do so. It’s what one does this time of year and there is a special joy in the work. Maybe because it’s not an anytime activity (despite what the stores want you to believe), maybe it’s because of the memories each bit and bauble brings up, maybe there is just something magic in the sound of sleigh bells that lightens the heart – certainly there is the magic in that including a sleigh bell automatically makes it a holiday song rather than just a typical pop song – context matters!

So I’m working and listening and singing and noticing. At least for the more modern music, the pop fun holiday music, a good 70% of the songs tell us that the only thing the singer wants for Christmas is ‘their’ love. No need for fancy gifts, no need for gifts at all. The only wish, the only desire is to be with the one they love, either reunited or just spending time with. Love is enough is the message. The joy of being with the person, spending time together, reveling in the happiness of being together. That is all that matters, all we want and need. And I think it’s true, I think that the real joy in life, the lasting satisfaction comes not from the stuff we offer as obligatory proof of affection but from the personal connections we share. We say it, we know it to be true deep down, but I’m not sure we mean it, and I’m really not sure we are paying attention to the message at all as we stroll through the store aisles singing these songs and buying more things.

I say a lot of good things. As a consultant and a coach I have offered much wise counsel over the years, many supportive words and encouraging messages. And I’ve meant it, at least for other people. I’m harder on myself, less encouraging, less supportive of my experience than I am of most others. That’s true for most of us I believe. We know what to say, we actually know what is true. But either we don’t believe it ourselves, or we don’t believe we deserve it ourselves. Both are damaging, both are unfair, both are untrue. When we fail to give ourselves the same love and support we encourage others to claim in some way we say that we don’t really mean it, and maybe then our words are not to be trusted.

So we have to practice what it is that we say; we have to live it for ourselves so that we can give it with conviction to others and receive it joyfully as it is offered back. The great circle of love and friendship, kindness and generosity. Laughter can’t be boxed up, a smile can’t be sent by mail, a hug doesn’t have a price tag (at least it shouldn’t). If I don’t really want anything other than to be with you this holiday season then maybe what I need to do is show up, spend the day with you, not in the mall thinking about what I need to present to you to prove how much I want to be with you. Sometimes it really is that simple. But we have to mean it when we say it, not say it and then run off to do the opposite.

A wise teacher once reminded us to put our faith not in the material things that pass away, that distract for a moment but then rust and rot and disappear, but to trust the things that survive, that live on through the years as love, support, kindness, caring. You don’t need to get me anything, the song goes, because it is gift enough just to get to be with you. Do we mean that when we say it, do we trust that it is true when it is said to us. Love is enough, it really is that simple.