I have spent a lot of my life thinking that I was a failed perfectionist (just writing this sounds ridiculous). I felt like I was “failed” because I had never actually worked hard enough to get anything to a state of “perfection.” I always gave up at some point before whatever the ideal was. It only recently occurred to me that “perfectionism” is not about being someone driven to complete something at a state of actual perfection, it is about someone like me who felt like nothing they did was ever good enough, let alone perfect.

Perfect doesn’t exist in this world. I don’t say that with cynicism, I say that with deep faith. Maybe there are little moments where you connect completely with the divine and you experience the perfection that exists in that unity, maybe if you pay attention you get glimpses of it in the bright green of the first leaf in the spring, or the bee deep in an apple blossom, or the disappearance of difference when you hold the had of a loved one. There are moments that show you, but there is no there there for us to arrive at. No, I don’t come at this cynically or with a wink to myself thinking ‘if I just tried harder,’ I come at this now with gratitude and surrender. The world is beautiful, I do pretty good at the things I do, and that truly is enough.

One of my favorite teachers, Jim Finley with the Center for Action and Contemplation, says, “with God, a little sincerity goes a long way.” God doesn’t want me to get it perfect, God just wants me to get it enough doing it God’s way, with humility, kindness, and justice. I try, I stumble, I fail, I try again. The process is beautiful and it is just how it is supposed to be each time because each time I have more I can learn, more compassion I can offer to my fellow travelers, more grace I can show because I now what a mistake looks like, more commonality I can share because none of us are doing this alone.

In the last several months I have been reflecting on my relationship to work, that thing I do for other people, and the ways in which I used that to prove something to someone else about my worthiness. And also to try and prove something to myself. Thankfully God has managed to get in there, between my thoughts and the investigations of my psyche, to say “be still,” “it is good,” “rest.” And there is a fine line in there between the idea of ‘why should I bother it’s good enough,’ and ‘yes, look at that, it is good.’ It’s the work of a lifetime to check which way you are approaching something, and to be able to recognize when you get it wrong. I use my centering time in the morning to start my day with what I hope will be the right orientation, and pause throughout the day to reset. You can too.

I also used to be too busy, too many emails, too many meetings, too many things that needed me to look at them or talk with them or whatever. But you have a minute and you can start there. One minute is good enough to start with. And then you might find that on some days you have two, and occasionally five. It is good enough to just start with one.

If you are looking for a friend or a companion for the journey, let me know – I have some experience with this and it is how I like to show up for others.

“There is no peace,” says the Lord, “for the wicked.” -Isaiah 48:22 nrsv. What I have come to understand is that ‘wicked’ is not so much about what you do as it is about how you fail in trusting that God created you as good, and that allowing yourself to live that is truly enough. When we second guess what God has told us is true we are acting wickedly, and as we chase our own idea of what perfect is, truly there is no rest because we will never get there.