For many years now I have used refillable ink pens to write with. I think they are beautiful, I like that you waste less, and with most of the pens I use there is a story as to how I can to have the pen, which I like as a little piece of nostalgia. I have two pens that I have had since I was thirteen years old, I have one pen that I bought because I bought the wrong kind of refill and then needed a pen to use with the refills I had. Perhaps not the best decision but it reminds me to double check what it is that I am ordering before I click “buy” so it is a useful tool.

For the last month or so one of the pens I use everyday to do my morning writing has been on the edge of running out of ink. You would think after a month it would give up. I start writing with it and then get to the point where I am pressing very hard to get just faint lines and I think, tomorrow I will have to replace the cartridge. I put the cap on and set the pen upside down in my little cup and then use another to finish what I am doing. And then the next day I repeat. It has been many, many days since I first thought tomorrow I will surely have to replace the cartridge, and yet the pen is still writing. At this point I am just curious to see how long it will go, how long I will try.

A few days ago I was working on a project that I have been at for about eight months, it was hot in my house during a time of year when it is not typically hot, and I was lying on the ground with Pepper trying to find the cool air and inspiration. And I thought I should just give it up and stop struggling through. I looked over and saw the pen that has continued to allow me to write despite the fact that I keep thinking it will have nothing left each time I go to use it.

This is what I learned, lying on the floor, feeling hopeless, looking at my pen: we all have more in us than we think, we can all do more than we believe we are capable of. If we give up too soon we miss the opportunity to stretch, to be surprised by what is there, perhaps to be astounded by what can happen if we stay open to the possibility that there is more out there, more available, more that wants to happen to and for and through us.

Some days I am like fresh ink and I am bright and bold and I feel powerful. And somedays I don’t think I have anything left but I can scratch out a few faint lines and it is more than I thought I had in me. Don’t give up on yourself too soon. You may be surprised by how much is there, and how much you can do with it.