I am about to do something that I said I would never do, something that I have judged others for doing, that I assumed I understood and could therefore form an opinion about. Have you ever done anything like that? Been very sure about something and then found out that it is more complicated and nuanced than it seems judged from outside the experience? Kind of like the experience of walking past a lighted home on dark night – everything inside exists in a perfect glow, but you don’t see the dust or the clutter or the dynamic of whatever is happening in there. It is easy to make assumptions about a person, place, or thing, until you live in the experience of that thing.

I’m not sure that as flawed humans (and I do believe it is the nature of humans to be something less than perfect) any of us have escaped this situation. Though, as I just admitted, I have been wrong about things before.

It’s not so easy to be a person who can live in a space of non-judgement, in a space more grounded in curiosity and a willingness to wonder. And then, for as much as I see that the world is not so black or white as I get older, I also see that there are things that require us to know our values, and to understand a morality that we can live by. There is good and bad, but maybe I need to be a little more careful in declaring sureness in understanding it, or maybe I need to reserve my judgment of those labels for obvious situations. Or maybe I just need to stay out of other people’s business entirely and focus on my own work in the body, the space, and the place in which I find myself.

I wonder, have been wondering, what it would look like if we all did that, if we all spent more time focusing on the work we have to do in our bodies, with our bodies, in the spaces in which we inhabit and the places we find ourselves. What would it look like if instead of worrying about this or that happening in places over which I have to sway, no impact, I instead asked how I could be more present, more available, more loving right where I am? Please don’t confuse this idea with self-focus, that is not what I am suggesting; I am speaking more about the value in simply showing up and being available to the reality of the place in which you find yourself, available to connecting to the people you find yourself around, willing to offer whatever skills you have to making that place a little kinder, more peaceful, more open to experiencing joy.

It is the very fact that I am butting up against a part of me that is feeling humbled by my own immaturity that is allowing me to see what I could have done differently, and so what it is that I want to do differently in the future. It required being honest in a way that made me uncomfortable: honest about what I wanted, honest about how I felt, honest about my previous judgment and probably the jealousy that underpinned some of that. And that humility is allowing me to become a little kinder, a little softer, a little more curious.

In his letter to the Galatians, Paul gives us an interesting contrast between the works of the flesh (our human tendencies) and the works of the Spirit, or what happens to us when we let the Spirit work in us, on us, through us. I think we have to work to cease hostility, envy, anger, selfish rivalries, dissensions, and such before the fruit of the Spirit can start to grow in us. We have to make space and clean out the mess that was there before anything new can get planted, which means we have to acknowledge what was there. I have been all of those things, I have done all of those things. I will probably do some of it again. But I have had enough lessons in humility that I am getting a little better at noticing the start of the space of judgment; for me it usually starts with a statement like, “I would never,” or “why would anyone?” Now when I say that I can hear what I am doing (at least some of the time) and stop myself, saying instead, “I can’t imagine doing that, I wonder what lead to that choice?” Not perfect, hopefully a little better, just becoming a little more one step at a time.

At the end of the year I will be transitioning away from WordPress and moving all of my work to substack. Most of what I do will remain free, but there will be a better opportunity to engage in short posts, daily notes, recordings, and some exclusive subscriber content. I hope you will join me there: https://maggieharmon.substack.com.

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