You’ve heard it, I’ve heard it, we all love it because it is so easy to say and a good mantra for life: you need to have an “Attitude of Gratitude!” There is nothing about this phrase that is wrong; living a life that has an attitude of gratitude, or appreciation, or simply acknowledgment that you have not controlled all that has come to you is a good way to orient your perspectives and behavior. The problem is, simply saying that you have an ‘attitude of gratitude’ is not the same thing as having an actual attitude, a way of thinking and being and living, that is full of gratitude for the totality of your life.

I have seen “attitude of gratitude’ emblazoned on tote bags in high-end stores, and lovely necklaces of gold and gems that spell out ‘grateful’ to adorn yourself with. That’s fine, there is nothing wrong with that, it is at the very least showing the world that you have an awareness of receiving something that you needed or wanted and did not direct yourself. But gratitude, deep gratitude that is a state of noticing the big and the little, the good, and the bad that has taught you and shaped you and formed you, this gratitude is different. To truly develop an attitude that exhibits and lives and moves in a space of gratitude, I believe you need to be prepared to say ‘thank you’ not just for the benefits you have received or the pleasure you are experiencing in the moment, you need to be able to say, ‘oh I see’, to the entire arc of a life that is rooted in an overflowing of creation into your existence.

The root word for ‘grateful’ comes from the same root as ‘grace,’ and as we trace that etymology we find the idea not that we are filled with ‘greatness’ or have a lot of this or that, which is how the word sounds to our modern ears, but that we are ‘full of grace.’ Since we are playing with words here, I will say I think it is a little funny that we say someone is ‘graceful’ when they are moving in a fluid, pleasing, effortless manner to describe beauty, but we often forget that indeed, to be grace-full we are likely living in a way that is truly fluid, and beautiful, and reflective of the energy of the divine moving in us. So to be ‘grateful’ is really just a little different that to be ‘graceful,’ for in both cases we are filled with a grace that is an outflowing of the gifts of a divine creative spirit. We are all grace-full, that is how we have been made; to be grate-full, that is to build the knowledge of our gracefulness, I believe we must practice awareness, noticing, and appreciation for the places in which we can find that good presence in our lives.

Life is not all roses and unicorns for everyone, I know that, I have lived some of the hard stuff. We all have moments of good and bad, of happiness and sorrow. Some of us come to more of these extremes than others, some of us have had more than our share of both good and bad. And yet, I believe that if we practice to truly develop an attitude of gratitude we can all see where there is good already available to us, where there is good that we can share, and where there is good that needs to be developed.

In my new book, The Giving Bitch, some of the core practices for developing a posture of deeper generosity with the world are awareness and gratitude. Awareness is about seeing the reality of our lives, observing what we have and what we lack, and being very honest about what our circumstances look like. The book offers several practices for developing awareness that allow you to become more appreciative of what is already there, and more willing to accept where you may need to receive support, thus building deeper relationships of mutual caring. Building on developing awareness, we move to practices of gratitude that, ideally, help you to develop that attitude that infuses your whole life with a kind of appreciative serenity. I think it is important to start with awareness so would encourage you to pick up a copy of the book and work through the exercises to build a string foundation, but I also think it is okay to just start to practice habits of gratitude to create more space to see with that attitude in your life, everyday.

One of the exercises I often use, that I think it very helpful to creating that attitude of gratitude for life, is working through the alphabet and naming one thing you are grateful for with each letter. It’s fun, it can be silly, it can be challenging, and after twenty-six letters it can lighten your heart and make you smile a little more; you might start to notice more things you are grateful to have in your life and the world, and your attitude starts to shift little by little. Give it a try for a few days or a few week (if you read the book you’ll know I really like at least a week for a practice, and I really love forty days), and then come back here and let me know how it felt!

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